My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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