the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i was born a porn star she said
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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