We're like a lot better than the average bears
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
