I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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