Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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