I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
