I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
