I puked a lego.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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