I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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