i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
