i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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