We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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