Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
