What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
