apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
