update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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