a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
