i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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