My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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