I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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