Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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