Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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