Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
