In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
