Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dear god my vagina.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
