He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
