Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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