My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
