I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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