It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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