I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
