everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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