He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
