i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
