Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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