You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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