things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it's great music for shaving your balls
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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