Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
