Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
