You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
