i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you traded sex for a burrito?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
