How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
