have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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