i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
