i don't like sucking hair
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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