the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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