I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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