i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
