I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
