I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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