My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
