Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
