Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
