I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is Oprah even human
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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