Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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