"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
