My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
