Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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